He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
