I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
