..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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