OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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