u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
