if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
