If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
how drunk are you?
Several
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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