In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
