just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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