There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
