I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
