We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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