Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
