I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
