Are we in a gay sports bar?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
