Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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