the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
