I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
