you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
