I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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