Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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