if i can run in heels then i can drive
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
