Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Can I color on your dick again?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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