They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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