it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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