Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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