glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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