stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
