First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
