If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize