FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
