I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
