If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
