I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
