apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
