Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
