He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
