lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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