I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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