So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
