are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
