my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Im part way to drunk.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
