Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
