i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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