her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
