Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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