I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
