I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
