It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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