alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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