I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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