dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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