You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
