someone owes me an orgasm
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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