you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
