saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
