He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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