WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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