dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
