dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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